i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
