you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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