What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
