God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
