I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
