I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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