i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
