I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
