did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
