i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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