I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
NoShamevember. You game?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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