You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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