This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
