guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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