he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize