He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
