someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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