Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
