Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
