I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
