I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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