I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize