M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I would ride that face into the sunset
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
