I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
