you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
