if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
