Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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