Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
