Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
