Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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