I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
