You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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