its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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