im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
