forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
