Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
