Three words: puerto rican gang bang
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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