I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
