I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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