I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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