My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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