Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
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