to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
