ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
