yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
