My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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