So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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