I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just found a bag of teeth...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Pants are for mortals
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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