Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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