do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
