this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
