Well apparently he's into motor boating.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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