I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
