Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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