if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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