I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
