So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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