please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I take back everything I said about communal showers
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
This is my gift to your gina
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
