Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
