He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
