If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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