I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
