I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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