no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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