Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
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Do I have a choice?
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I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize