Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
