bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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