i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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