I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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