I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Randomize
