Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
