Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
