last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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