Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
