I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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