I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
