Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
