things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
