Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
two words: eviction party
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
