Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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