mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize