If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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