You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
