my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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