She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
