sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
