No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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