Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
whose parrot is this?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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